I've been feeling a bit pointless lately. Like I am floating around in a bubble of timeless abyss, purposeless and wasteful of my own talents and resources, Reaching the four month mark of no work and no study following a two year blur of full time commitment of all categories is tough, and forcing me to realize how the mundane, seemingly everyday life in my everyday world can actually be bliss. I often long to be back in my own bed in my colourful room in my brick house full of life and light and parental love. I miss the ease of routine, the rolling green hills and my little white ballerina prancing around the garden in all her furry glory. Jessie is one of the things I miss the most about home, her tuna breath and trilly meows, her grateful purrs and dignified presence. I sometimes catch myself double-taking when I think I see her come around a door frame out of the corner of my eye, or when I see something small move in the distance. How silly I must look!
Spending so much time all by my lonesome has taught me some valuable lessons about myself, in reaffirming things I already knew, or thought I knew, and has shown me new sides of myself I was less aware of. Like my need for my own space and for reflection,and how much I dislike people cooking for me, or rather me not having the opportunity to cook for myself. Being a vegetarian with numerous food allergies and health considerations, (which have been relatively recent developments) I have found a new strength in myself and have developed a wisdom that comes from knowing what is good and nourishing for your body, and what isn't. I have found that being put in social situations, especially in Eastern European culture, where the main dishes all include meat and potatoes, both of which I do not eat, I usually make a silent resolve to just smile and simply say I am not hungry and vow to make some rice and veggies as soon as I get home.
Speaking of which, I think its time for dinner. So as we say in Hungary, “Viszlát!”, or goodbye.
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