its so odd - i've been thinking so much about memories and the idea of loss and forgiveness and just the passing of time in general. so tonight when I stumbled on a journal featuring photos and quotes from people describing the time and place where that photo was taken, I was really touched and felt quite nostalgic. I also want to have the time of my life. I also want to be weightless, careless and free! I want to fly by the seat of my pants, wear the same Tshirt for a week and meet hundreds of people per week and touch all their lives in a weird, wonderful, tiny way. Here are a few of my favourite memories by other people.
"They were taken whilst i was living in LA in 1991. I was 21. I was totally broke all I had was my boyfriend, our amazing circle of friends and my Polaroid camera. It was one of the best times of my life."
"The photo is taken the summer of 2001 in my flat in Paris. It was one of these summers where everything was possible and anything could happen and it did..."
Oh and today somehow took a turn for the better in comparison to yesterday, which was God-awful to put it lightly. I guess getting things off my chest is really good therapy - I had a good friend of mine take me out to sushi (his shout) and then gelati (my shout) and have a really good, long chat about life, love and relationships. It was really great. Today I finished my last assignment for uni before the holidays (which officially start NOW! wooo) although I have a million things to do in the 'break', and there will be numerous days where I'll be cruising the campus as per usual. I'm aiming to design and get my website completed or atleast half-done by the end of these two weeks, as well as the 2 main commissions I'm working on and get some prints of my work arranged!
Tomorrow I have a shoot with a lovely little model, and then work at the gallery and then 1 gig and 2 parties to go to.. still don't know where I'll stay the night so we shall see how it all comes together.. goodnight for now.
xx
Could some relationships be best summed up in the following small image?
These days I've just been feeling incredibly 'blah' and detached from everything. Its like, in order to avoid further disappointment of the world and people I have just crawled back into myself and chosen the role of the observer, the aloof detached person who sits amidst it all and yet is completely unaffected by all the hype around them. This is strange for many reasons, two of which I will bother to expand on -
1. I never had a shell. I've always been quasi shell-less. And thought people with shells were pussies. Perhaps not. Maybe I had managed to dance around the arrows people cast around themselves and I've finally been hit. Or something.
2. I've never really withdrawn from the world like this before. I've just been feeling like I can't take it anymore. So many strains of varying kinds, I wonder how much emotion can fit into such a small being?
I've been activating my "cheer myself up" project, which is basically me making little programs for myself in order to make me feel better and forget about all the crap thats going on. This takes form in gigs, such as Lisa Mitchell early last week and Blue King Brown this past friday. They were both really great. Naturally alcohol and the like also follow suit and certainly aid in forgetting life even for a little while.
I have been pushing on with my uniwork though my heart is so not in it. All these years I would see and speak to people who absolutely hated their uni and just did it due to pressure from families/society or whatever and I always wondered how on earth they could possibly do a degree they disliked so much? And whenever I was asked about mine I'd have this great smile on my face and say I love it .. and its like.. where did that joy go? Down the drain along with my grades? Most likely.
Its just been like this growing pile on top of me and its making it harder to walk, to move and grow. Like every new shovelful, whether its that of financial, emotional or whatever related just adds to this great load I have to heave around which makes me want to sleep for a thousand years or drop everything and move to Chile and live in a nomadic tribe and live off goat and curdled milk.
Another thing thats been weighing on my mind is the idea of forgetting and letting go. Whether its a living person or a memory, how do you 'train' yourself to finally set them aside, to move on?
I've been puzzled by the notion of letting go for a long time now, as its not like the act of holding on is doing you any favours.. in fact it may cause you even more pain, but the idea of parting with something or someone is even worse? I guess my question is .. is it possible to erase & rewind?
[source is the wonderful verislava]
